Relationships and Dating in the US

The Game
by Neal R. Karski

The subject of relationships in the United States is one that I find very interesting and worth exploring in depth. Having lived in Europe, in the Southeastern and Midwestern parts of the US, I happened to acquire a lot of knowledge about the way in which social associations develop and fall apart. This knowledge was derived from a variety of unique experiences of my own and others in my surroundings, as well as the keen observations I’ve managed to store and ponder in my mind.

Let’s begin.

Relationships, whether it be a commitment between a girlfriend and a boyfriend or a friendship between two people, are what I like to call The Game. The Game implies that the process of dating [which used to be referred to as “courting”] has now become much more complex and at times perplexing for either or both parties involved. The simplicity-and-value ridden system of rules that guides the couples in their endeavors exerts a very unstable groundwork. *Think of the quote by Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers about dating. Social media certainly doesn’t make it any less difficult to maintain good relations with a friend or a significant other. Every day, we’re exposed to stories, movies and TV shows that display unfruitful relationships and compulsive issues that can impact our perception and even diminish hope.

Originally, I planned to compare the situation of the matter which I’m addressing in terms of the United States and Europe, but I will postpone this analysis in a form of a future post.

The Game is my own personal theory and does not constitute for the views of anyone but mine. Therefore, imagine yourself on a date with a beautiful or handsome person that you are pursuing. Great locations and meal choices, interesting and ongoing conversation, plus there is a positive tension. Now, be careful – Red Tape [or more closely known as Bureaucracy] kicks in when you haven’t realized it. Multiple complications arise at different corners, you or the other person is not capable of accepting something they do not approve of, this is going too fast, feelings, physical attraction, should I impress him [or her], where will this connection go, am I ready? Houston, we have a problem – the field of gravity is a bit “shaky.” Now, instead of pinpointing the significant values of the potential or existing relationship, we’re focused on what can be possibly wrong? Disvalues, not values, play the major role in this movie.

And we see that not every casual dating couple ends up together. Not every relationship [by all means] is a fairy tale we see in the movies – the good ‘ole “Hey-Climax-Rough Times-Love” kind of event flow. Pause for a second and think… Maybe we, ourselves, make dating and the relationships we have to complex and over think the meaning behind why we are here with this person and not another. Who knows… for some this way may be preferable.

Today’s Reality: Game Over.

The Realm of Romance
by George A. Miu

Everyone is looking for that special someone. Even after finding a good enough partner for the long haul, we continually assess and reassess one another in terms of compatibility, emotional security, physical attraction factors and a plethora of other categories.

In the USA, as far as I can tell, there are two major stages in this process: that of dating (i.e. being on the lookout for a romantic partner) and that of marriage/life partnerships (i.e. making the commitment to be with someone for the rest of one’s life, barring certain circumstances). Various individuals progress through these at various points at different speeds, or maybe even not at all. The important thing is that we have carefully defined social patterns that indicate, both to ourselves and to our significant others, certain levels of development in a relationship. For example, it is considered taboo to talk about, say, children’s names, on a first date.

What distinguishes modern times from ages past, however, is that the average childbearing age has risen by almost six years over the past three decades. This trend affects our romantic endeavors, as progressively fewer people are prepared to start families at young ages, thus lengthening the dating stage in the above process. In theory, this should mean that there are fewer divorces, since the maturity levels increase at the time of marriage. Yet, this is clearly not so, seeing as the divorce rate revolves around the 50 percent mark in the USA.

We can conclude that something is broken in the realm of romance. The way I see it, the major culprit is the modern job competitiveness. Most people have to go to college to make a good living, and that is no easy feat. It puts off having a family until at least 22-23 years of age. I mean, they call it a Bachelor’s Degree for a reason, people. Furthermore, the instability that follows graduation creates an unsuitable environment for a young family.

Women, too, are a resurgent and critical force in these times. Increasing numbers are postponing motherhood in order to pursue careers – and who can blame them? So, by the time we are ripe for matrimony, the social and economic stress levels are so high that disagreements are liable to take place between spouses, leading to our elevated divorce rates.

Don’t get me wrong: I’d be chuffed to the bollocks if everything could revert back to the old-fashioned ideal American family. But doing so would be causing a great disservice to our economy, to women and, ultimately, to our free will to pursue whatever we so choose. There is no quick fix to whatever is broken in the romantic world. It’s simply a necessary consequence of the times.